Dungeons & Dragons Songs

This page is for the songs written for my Dungeon’s & Dragons character Turtle K, a half-orc bard. The songs are currently all parodies of real songs (mostly Irish ballads) and are based on the past adventures of the group.


Written for Session #28 (10/15/2016)

Ballad of Calmachia (based on “Kitty of Coleraine”)

I’ll tell you a story of old Ethelred,
Who slayed the forge mother, Calmachia’s her name,
His friends had all fallen, yet he was still brawling
A defeat at the forge, it would cause him such pain
So he climbed up that tower, like a hero did shower
That new metal dragon, with thunder and flame
And our heroes did leave there, not worse for the wear
And Ethelred’s story, was told to acclaim

Whiskey in the Jar (based on “Whiskey in the Jar”)

As I was going over the far famed Xen’drik jungles,
I saw Zargon the Wonderful, who’d robbed me of my plunder
He tried to sell me trinkets, and he tried to sell me magic,
Till I grabbed a dusty wand from him, and turned him to a rabbit,

Mush-a ring dumb-a do dumb-a da
Whack for my daddy, oh whack for my daddy, oh
There’s whiskey in the jar

Twas early in the morning, just before I rose to travel
Up comes a pack of footmen, who’re led on rabbit Zargon
I first produced me rapier for the wand was out of charges
But I couldn’t kill a spider, so they burnt me into bacon

Mush-a ring dumb-a do dumb-a da
Whack for my daddy, oh whack for my daddy, oh
There’s whiskey in the jar

The Dragon Boy (based on “The Minstrel Boy”)

The dragon boy to the war is gone, in the ranks of death you’ll find him
His flaming sword he hath girded on, and his old gnome friend behind him “Gimme gorgon!” he cried all day long, but pubs they wouldn’t serve him
One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard, its burning blade shall slay you

 

Written for Session #29 (10/29/2016)

Dear Old Drest has Fallen (based on “Wearing of the Green”)

Oh well, Derek dear and did you hear the news that’s going ’round
Our dear old Drest has fallen, and is buried in the ground
We must take him for a funeral, to the castle of the queen,
Or he’ll suffer here forever like that bastard named Shur Reem

Sure he’ll suffer here forever like that bastard named Shur Reem!

Now that Antioch has gone away, the bats are flying high
And we’ll lay your body in the ground beneath that endless sky
We must say a prayer to keep you still and underneath that mound
Or you’ll take swim with fishes even though you cannot drown

Sure you’ll take swim with fishes even though you cannot drown

Written for Session #30 (11/12/2016)

Ballad of Session #13 (based on “Boolavogue”)

At Trolanport, as the sun was setting
O’er the bright blue waters of Redcliff bay
A gentle Gnome and his brave companions
Set sail and shoved off from the quay

Then groggy Barry, from Louisiana
Helped our brave heroes solve the crime
“It’s Coin!” he cried, “for he killed d’Cannith”
And the day was saved for another time

Ballad of Session #24-25 (based on Andy Irvine’s “O’Donoghue’s)

It was session number twenty-four,
When Topoc first walked through the door
He’d an eagle above and some clothes from the war
So he decided to join us
I never could have guessed as we went to Bluethorn
That Gregory’d wish he’d-a never been born
Put the gem in the acid and watch it burn
To the Starpeaks Mountains go us

Korth and his family, well they wanted some gold
So they set up a house in their little stronghold
Dwayne the rock he stood so bold
But something made them weary
And Ethelred too, in his fine cape of blue
He hoarded so much you’d-a think he’s a Jew
Well he stood the battle through and through
And decided to trust them

Probably should add another line here…

Written for Session #31 (1/7/2017)*

Shillary Cyre (based on “Molly Malone”)

   G        Em          Am               Dm7
In fairhaven city, where the girls are so pretty
  G           Em             Am       Dm7
I first set my eyes on sweet Shillary Cyre
    G         Em              Am        Dm7
She was a bad hooker, and not much of a looker
G                     Em      Am      Dm7
She cried cockles and nipples alive a-live O!

[Chorus:]
  G           Em   Am          Dm7
A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O! 
       G           Em      Am      Dm7
Crying cockles and nipples alive a-live O!

She was a shapeshifter which helped her a little
But it didn't disquise the herpes down there 
But Topoc accepted, and he got infected
She cried cockles and nipples alive a-live O!

A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O! 
Crying cockles and nipples alive a-live O!

But her story still goes on, but, probably not for long 
We're fighting a dragon, and we're gonna die
Our ghosts will remember this song and its splendor
Crying cockles and nipples alive a-live O! 

A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O! 
Crying cockles and nipples alive a-live O! 
A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O! 
Crying cockles and nipples alive a-live O!

* First session using guitar.

Come Out Ye Giant Horde (Based on “Come Out Ye Black & Tans”)

Oh come[Am] out ye Giant horde, come out and [G]draw your giant sword
Oh the [Am] Scorpian Priest he is far too powerful!
For [C]Toralmir is ours, so [G]all you’ll get are scars
You’ll be [Am]frightened by the [G]Titans of [Am]Prophecy

Shillary D’Cyre (Based on “Bonnie Kellswater”)

[C]Here’s a health to you, Shillary D'[Am]Cyre
It was [C]you put my heart in a [Am]snare [D]
And if [C]ever I should lose you to a[Am]nother
I will [C]leave the [G]Titans else[C]where[G]

For it’s[C] this one and that one may [Am]court her
But no [C]other can take her from [Am]me[D]
For I [C]love her as I love my [Am]banjo
Like the [C]primrose is [G]loved by the [C]bee[G]